Sunday, 29 November 2015


Sorry that I haven't posted in a wee while. Life is just very... very... busy (?) the past couple of days... Yep. That's it. Definitely didn't spend the past week completing the Jedi Knight SWTOR storyline... No sir. I didn't.

(I did, perhaps unsurprisingly.)

So here is a brilliant short story I wrote and I think it's hilarious.

I hope you do too.

“I swear to God I saw it.”

Two men sat along in a bar. The stench of one too many hung around them, a dense cloud above their heads. One sighed.

“You didn’t. Your eyes were playing tricks on you, that’s all. And you’re drunk.”

“No, I saw it. I did! I saw it as clear as I see,” he swayed a little, “the two of you. Plain as day.”

“Listen to me. You didn’t see anything. Ok?”

The first man stood and gestured wildly with his arms.

“It was, say, this big and about that tall.”

The lights petered out and left the pair drenched in darkness.

“That could have been a cat, or a dog, or a homeless man. It could have been Lenin’s friggin’ corpse. It could have been anything, but not-”

“It was. It was a shark with knees.”

Silence drifted about in the twilight. One man took a sip from a discarded pint glass.

“You told me this one before. It was not a friggin’ knee-ed shark. There is no such friggin’ thing. At best it could have been a raccoon or something. But sharks don’t wander this far, even if they happen to have knees.”

“I saw it with my own eyes, alright? Don’t tell me what I friggin’ saw. It was a shark with knees.”
The second man sighed and looked down.

“So God is sat there, thinking about what he could make next. ‘Well’, he says, ‘Sharks are nice. So are knees. Now what can I make with that?’” He took another sip to emphasise his point. “It just wouldn’t happen.”

“How do you know? You’re not God, so there’s no way you would know that.”

“I might as well be if you keep seeing sharks with knees.”

“Look. Look right there, right there where the light is.”


“Isn’t that a nice doorframe?”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“I’m out of here. Go and pet your sharks with knees and your snakes with wings and go live in your house on the moon. I’ll be back when you’re sober.”

“Sure. Whatever. But I still saw it. No matter what the two of you say, I saw it.”

The second man sighed and left the bar, just as the thick slap of fins crawled out from beneath the counter.

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